Being able to wear sundresses has always been a dream of mine. I wanted to look pretty, feminine, and spring-y. I see these women like Taylor Swift & Zooey Deschanel in these sundresses, and they look confident, beautiful, and everything I’ve ever wanted to be.
Their beauty has always seemed so effortless, I’ve wanted that so bad for so long. If you knew me in high school you saw a girl in baggy clothes, jeans, and barely any confidence. I wanted to look pretty like they do, have the confidence they do, but I sure as hell didn’t feel any of that. That continued into my last years as a teenager. Even when I was “skinny” I still didn’t feel confident, I took every chance I could to cover myself up.
It wasn’t until the last year and a half that I finally wore those dresses I bought but never dared wear in public. I even went out and bought more. Something I always assumed was that dresses were only for special occasions. That is not true, not even a little bit. They should be for whenever the hell you want them to be. At my job we have to “dress up” on Tuesdays. Men wear ties and there are to be no blue jeans or t shirts. For the first 6 months I had 1 outfit for Tuesdays, a long sleeve grey shirt with some black pants. I wanted to be good enough to wear those cute dresses but I didn’t feel it yet. I didn’t want to stand out, to be made fun of, or to make a fool of myself.
Then one day I did it. I wore a dress to work. All of those things I was scared about where in full effect that day. I was very careful with how I walked, how I sat down, and how I stood up. I didn’t want to be judged. I had to let go of all of that. Part of my struggle is and has always been, my weight and body shape. I felt as if I didn’t deserve to feel pretty because I made myself look like this. Again, not true at all. I took my weight into my own hands. I started running more, lifting weights, and making healthier food decisions.
I now feel pretty, and seeing me in a dress isn’t nearly as surprising as it used to be. You don’t have to be a twig to wear cute clothes, you just have to be you. I had to come to terms that I will not have that model body, I’m just not built like that. I have broad shoulders, a big rib cage and big feet. But that’s okay and I had to learn how to make those things positive. My broad shoulders makes me able to lift heavy things and I can swing a bat like a mad women. My big feet mean that I am tall, I need those big feet to hold up my long legs that I love. My big rib cage means that I give great hugs. These are all good things, not things I should try to hide. Now I’m excited when I see more muscle on my shoulders, instead of scared because they are getting bigger.
I still have my days when I lack confidence, but those days are fewer. It just have to keep reminding myself how far I have come and to never look back. Now I feel more confident in a sundress, I feel like I can conqueror the world. No one should ever be deprived of that feeling.
Sundress season is vastly approaching, lets all get in on this no matter how we look. Because we are all beautiful and deserve to feel beautiful.